Saturday, May 26, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Untitled (because sometimes words just fail you)
Recently, a friend of mine posted about something in his blog. Moreover, he linked to it in our Yahoo group so we would all be aware of it.
I think I have freaked out a few people, though they've been giving me plenty of space. It's time to come clean, so to speak.
I'm one of those people you hear about. I have clinical depression. I'm really not that unusual, in that respect, either. In fact, for a long time, I thought I was so not-unusual that I chose not to act on it. Even though as a teenager, I was afraid I was mentally ill, crazy, or on the verge of -- something dreadful.
People who are depressed can also be happy, can fall in love, can live life. It's all just so much easier without the depression.
In the last few years, I finally sought help. I went to a family physician first. (It's amazing how many drugs I don't respond to, or am allergic to.) And then a friend told me about a study at a nearby university hospital. I've been going there for a while now. As I said, I have been feeling much better. Happier, stronger, more confident, less inclined to mood swings and emotional doldrums. I was more visibly the person I felt I really was on the inside.
Last month, I realized I was experiencing something new. Not only did my mood change drastically, but I became physically ill as well.
I really hated that trip to the dark side. I don't want to go there again.
I'm better, though not the same. I'm speaking to some folks in the study next week about a reevaluation. We'll see if I need to make adjustments, and what kind of changes I may need to make.
Meanwhile, I'm not as active online. I'm trying to take care of me.
I don't want my friends to feel I have abandoned them. I'm grateful they've given me some time.
I'll be back. And I might be the me you all think you know, or it might just be me.
I think I have freaked out a few people, though they've been giving me plenty of space. It's time to come clean, so to speak.
I'm one of those people you hear about. I have clinical depression. I'm really not that unusual, in that respect, either. In fact, for a long time, I thought I was so not-unusual that I chose not to act on it. Even though as a teenager, I was afraid I was mentally ill, crazy, or on the verge of -- something dreadful.
People who are depressed can also be happy, can fall in love, can live life. It's all just so much easier without the depression.
In the last few years, I finally sought help. I went to a family physician first. (It's amazing how many drugs I don't respond to, or am allergic to.) And then a friend told me about a study at a nearby university hospital. I've been going there for a while now. As I said, I have been feeling much better. Happier, stronger, more confident, less inclined to mood swings and emotional doldrums. I was more visibly the person I felt I really was on the inside.
Last month, I realized I was experiencing something new. Not only did my mood change drastically, but I became physically ill as well.
I really hated that trip to the dark side. I don't want to go there again.
I'm better, though not the same. I'm speaking to some folks in the study next week about a reevaluation. We'll see if I need to make adjustments, and what kind of changes I may need to make.
Meanwhile, I'm not as active online. I'm trying to take care of me.
I don't want my friends to feel I have abandoned them. I'm grateful they've given me some time.
I'll be back. And I might be the me you all think you know, or it might just be me.
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